Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Nervous #2

Can I write about pre-interview nervous poos? Or is that not okay? Loading up on Imodium right when I wake up because imagine standing in front of a classroom full of twenty year old Brazilians during a fifteen minute demo lesson with the director of the school sitting in and having to hold that in. My personal hell. And you know those kinds of poops. Those are not a joke. Might even take an Imodium right now.

Monday, May 6, 2013

Broadway to Tanglewood

And it's like, I could show you something else, I could be someone else, because I am someone else. You show up to that house and you hear your name from across the street and you walk over and you see them and you wish you had never come because you know nothing good will come from seeing these people but you're holding on to the past and you still think you'll wake up in flannel sheets hungover for 8:00am section with Drew standing above swigging from a 32oz King Cobra but you know secretly that Broadway is over and you'll never have those nights or days again and it's really true you're waking up on Tanglewood Lane with not a single important thing to do tomorrow besides go back on CraigsList and scroll for hours.

It wont be back you have to stop holding on because it's stumping you. That it's finished it's done and more than half of the people you spent your time with everyday you avoid on Claremont because they're not yours anymore. She thinks you're anti-semitic when in fact you're anti-zionist which is a huge difference and not one to get mixed up.

How do you even begin to express the levels of nostalgic sadness that both of them have reprimanded you for.

Funday

The break hasn't ended yet. It's been another year but the only things that have changed is that I'm another year older and I'm typing on a new computer. The position is the same. I guess there's more insight but all in all this "break" that was mentioned earlier is basically still in effect. Or actually, it has changed because it doesn't even feel like a break anymore! It's starting to feel like an actual themed period of my life. My god damned early twenties started off great and now it's all flat lined. 

Yeah duh I'm complaining. This is it. What's up Internet. Want to feel sad? Read my blog. 


Thursday, September 6, 2012

September 6, 2012

There is place for adjusting. It's feels like it has been a continuous mess since June 2011.  Maybe I should  refer to this as The Break or The Intermission. Can an intermission last fourteen months? What about twenty four months? An intermission that lasts two years should or can achieve something. Would it be a waste of time if nothing was achieved? And what even counts as achievement. This needs to count towards something.

Why have I come to calling and understanding this period as a break? Am I really planning on picking up where I ended off? I hope not. I think a big part of my unhappiness with 2012 is because I refer to as transitional. When did I decide it was a resting point, a steady wait for a turn? I'm not giving it any credit or importance. It's being written off as invalid. Maybe I'm scared of saying "this is it" because I would have never expected or wanted this. I want something better so I've thrown all this time under a heavy rug called "transition". Well shit. It isn't! You've graduated college and shit sucks right now but this is still as valid as a day or year as any other. Maybe talking to myself through a blog post will help?


Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Friday, November 11, 2011




various tumblrs that i really should link but can't remember

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

tin cider

I'm having these terrible fantasies about wearing vintage wool sweaters and eating apples in a Maryland barn. Maybe baking bread after and throwing flour all over my country husband's stiff denim jacket. And he has a thick beard. And likes beanies and drinking cider out of tin mugs. Save me from my north eastern wet dream.








all images from tumblr